Okay, I’ve been away for so long and I can’t excuse myself for that because I shouldn’t neglect this blog through which I believe that I help people, but through which is surely help myself. Therefore, I will start by summarising all the things that have happened to me.
As you surely know, university started, over a month ago and as you can imagine, things have became a bit tougher due to many reasons.
– Let’s firstly say that I am all by myself. Yes, I am. Although I’m in my own country bla bla bla.. I’m alone. And not only that, I’m lonely too. I just see my father and a couple of old friends maybe twice or three times a month? I don’t really go out for I have too much to study and too many projects and after a full day, I’d rather stay home, relax or sleep. So you can see that I don’t really do much.
– I feel alien’ish even if I know what’s going on around me. Maybe because I’m not used to this country or maybe just because I’m away from the loved ones.
– I sometimes get the feeling that I don’t belong to this university. It is not because of the information I a meant to know, for I am used to this kind of things and I’ve studied most of the in the last years of high school. It is not about the language either, as for the past 7 years, I’ve spoken English most of the time (if I spoke Romanian it was with my parents only and that’s about 3 hours a day). It is not about the ‘social life’, meaning my colleagues and all.. It is when I hear all those Romanian names, people who did so much for my country and I literally have no idea about them. I don’t know Romanian history. I don’t know Romanian personalities. I don’t really know much about Romania’s past. Thing which makes me sad in a way, because I don’t wanna seem like that person ‘oh she’s Romanian, but she has no idea about her country’s history’. I’m sorry and its really not my fault (not that is anyone’s fault or that I’m upset about the fact that I haven’t been here). However, I know many other things which I’m proud about. And I have to say that thanks to the fact that I’ve lived in Kuwait, I have advantages over some people.
It’s not that easy to be alone. To live alone (ok, I share my apartment with a cool girl with whom I get along pretty well, but I’m not with my family?). To do everything alone, by myself and not have mummy help me in everything. I never cooked before, well now I do. I’ve never put some clothes in the washing machine and started it, well now I do. I’ve cleaned before and I think this is why I’m so obsessed about it.
I’m always the happy girl. The one who smiles. The one who jokes. But does anyone know what I really feel inside? No. I’m not suicidal. I’m totally against this because I believe that if God gave you life, then only He can take to away. No, I don’t cry in front of people, although I have times when I wanna burst in tears and scream until people from the North Pole hear me. I smile. When I’m happy, when I’m sad, when I’m mad. But is my heart smiling too? Most of the time yes, but I have times when it is not.
You feel the same sometimes?
Never mind this feeling. Always thank God for giving you clothes, shelter and all the things you have, things that others may not have the privilege of having.
I hope this makes up for the whole time in which I haven’t posted anything. I hope you’re all fine and don’t hesitate on asking me whatever you want.